


NO ROLE MODEL

by tsukiko_gori



Category: Big Bang (Band), G - Fandom, G-Ri - Fandom, Nyongtory - Fandom
Genre: GRi - Freeform, M/M, Nyongtory, gdragon, jiyong-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 03:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10711341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukiko_gori/pseuds/tsukiko_gori
Summary: Jiyong is not a role model, but in all honesty, it's not like he even wants to be one.





	NO ROLE MODEL

**Kwon Jiyong is**

#  **-no role model-**

 

 

 

 

Jiyong is no role model. At all. 

 

He smokes, heavily, and people should not follow that, but some do, because he's cool with that cancerous stick in between his lips. When he puffs out the smoke, the odor doesn't reach the staring people, they just see the charm of the act while he, he lets his lungs be filled and his mind being comforted by that heavenly smell that makes so many people cringe. Not him, not when he's the one smoking at least. Although, when someone smokes and he can't, the smell disgust him, when he has barely woken up, his taste buds can't take it, when it's a heavy day filled with cigarettes, there's a moment in which his hands are so terribly smelling of that stale odor, he needs to rub it off with hefty amounts of soap, needs to get rid of his nicotine impregnated clothes. 

Why does he do it still? 

People don't miss the chance to let him know how bad it is for him and for others, it goes to the extent of listing both behaviors and health damaging issues that come along the Marlboro Gold Pack in his pocket. People who he holds dear, hate it, hate him smoking (except for Seunghyun though, and his friends of +82, who like him like it all) but he still does it. 

He does it for how comforting it feels to have that stick in between his lips, for the weight of the smoke that fills his mouth, for the calming effect it has on his tense mind, to fill the void of nothing to do, to accompany his words when he talks, because it feels good with a drink, because it feels like something misses if he doesn't light a fag after eating, or before eating, or when drinking coffee, or after he wakes up and has his first morning coffee, or when he goes to sleep, like a goodnight kiss. 

He's going to die anyway, one day. There's no "middle" in a life he doesn't know how long it'll be. He could even die for a car crash, or be the only person he knows to die of age, or he could die for another reason that has nothing to do with smoking. Besides, it's tattooed on him, isn't it? _"Too fast to live too young to die"_ , the anthem of doing what you can and what you want while you're alive. 

He'll do just that. 

After all, Jiyong is no role model. 

 

**—+—**

 

People want Jiyong to be a role model.

They bash him each time a fan uploads a video of him drinking. 

_"You shouldn't drink Oppa! It's bad for you!"_ and he wants to reply that it may be, but it's fun. 

Alcohol feels good on his tongue, liquor is sweet and burning at the same time. The good liquor glides down his throat like water and takes away thoughts like a wave washes a trash-filled shore. Bad liquor burns right through him, shakes his entire body and fire up his mind, that just wants more. When he's with friends, alcohol makes everything better. It makes him dance, makes him laugh harder, makes him enjoy his time of freedom, take ugly selfies and sing passionately along songs he hardly knows. Makes him careless and weightless, and he has a lot of cares and a lot of weight on him all the time that alcohol is a good escape. 

It's less fun in the mornings, when he goes to the loo way more often than not, when he has to force himself to eat while he feels like puking, his head pounds each time he's on his feet, he craves for coffee but cannot drink it, and that's pure torture, but he won't swear to never drink again, because just the memories of the night before bring a smile to his face. He had fun, he now has a lot of stories to tell, people to take the piss on, new friends and a lighter soul. 

Yeah, it may be bad for him in the long run, but that only gives one more alternative to how he'll die one day, also, his country sees alcoholism as something ok, drinking as something right, and his fans should really chill, by the way. He can take care of himself just fine. 

If some fan wants to follow his footsteps, it's not his fault. Just like them, he had other role models to look up to, and if people can't understand that he isn't one, that's not his concern.

Because he's not, a role model, that is.

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

Some people believe that he talks like a role model. 

Yeah, sometime he expresses his desire to have children, a pretty daughter to take to ballet classes, to smother and take care of and love and cuddle. Because he really would love that. 

He can't guarantee he'd quit smoking and drinking, but he could try to hide his habits, for her, or him -preferably her. 

They also say that he's inspiring like a role model, because he talks about dreams as something reachable, something obtainable, if dedicated to, and he thinks that. After all, he's surrounded by people that made it. With effort and studying and suffering, they all made it. His model friends, his band members, his colleagues... they all made it, so it's possible, isn't it? He surely doesn't preach what he doesn't pray, does he? 

He's not going to say on an interview "don't smoke, it's bad for you" because it's hypocritical and he doesn't do hypocrisy. Though that doesn't make him a role model. Does it? 

What he dreams to have, he's not really worked into achieving. The kid in his dreams remains a nameless toddler, which doesn't make his inspirational speech worthless. He said that if you work on your dreams you can achieve them, not that he's actually working on them, did he? 

So yeah, he doesn't believe that he's that much of a role model. If anything, he gives good speeches. 

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

Selflessness is what a true role model is made of. 

He's astonishingly selfish. To the core, really. 

If he wants something, he'll get it, even if he has to hurt somebody in the process, even if he has to turn ugly to have what he wants. He's going to have it. No comma. 

He's careful not to hurt too badly, though, because people are not useless and the less you hurt them, the less they'll run away, which is why he's careful not to show his selfishness too much, but sometime it does come up. 

It comes up when he steals the spotlight, it comes up when he demands more and more and gives barely anything in return, it comes up when he stomps on other people's dream for his own, and he has done that. He has. 

Role models don't do that, he does though.

But he isn't a role model, is he? 

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

He eats whatever he pleases. 

Sometimes he uploads on his Instagram some pictures of gourmet dishes he has tried, picture taken prettily and some filters for when the lighting isn't much appetizing. Some of those pictures are from different restaurants Seunghyun has dragged him to, because Seunghyun thinks he's the most fitting human he knows when he feels like going to a gallery and then an high class restaurant, and Jiyong is ok with it, because he actually likes art and what looks delicate. Then again, it's a secret between him and his manager when he gets picked up, how Soonho doesn't ask anymore but just leads the car towards the nearest McDonald's drive-through, and it's also a secret between the two of them the amount of stuff he orders. 

He keeps the photos, though. The pictures he takes of those delicious looking dishes, and he publishes those once in a while, although some are from months prior, it doesn't matter anyway, does it? 

When he's not eating junk food, he's most probably not eating at all. It's not an eating disorder, mind you, it's just that he doesn't like cooking, or for better phrasing, he doesn't feel like cooking most of the time. It's boring and he's a perfectionist, which means that the simplest dish takes double of his time, and he never knows what to do while waiting. He can't go outside to smoke because he needs to check on what he's preparing, he might watch something on his phone, but he'd get distracted, and most of the times his mind runs somewhere else and he just taps nervously on his counter until it's ready, and it isn't satisfying, eating that is. Because he'd eat alone and he doesn't like that as well, so he prefers skipping meals. 

It has arrived to a point where he doesn't feel hungry, and it doesn't bother him much, although when it does he goes and eats whatever. Usually junk food because it's fast and he can eat it while doing something else. 

So no, nobody should really follow his eating habits, but at the end of the day, why should anybody? He's no role model.

 

 

**—+—**

 

When he works, he works. 

He doesn't sleep, hardly eats, ignores the treats his manager or Daesung and Youngbae bring to the studio. He just accept coffee, because that helps and doesn't distract him. 

For the most part, his headphones are extensions of his body. Those never leave his head while he works on a track. It's play, listen, delete and repeat. It goes on and on for hours and then days and then, when the beat is ready, his mind works on lyrics. First he writes his part, then Youngbae's then Daesung's then Seungri's and then he passes the track to Seunghyun and waits. When he waits, he most surely starts working on something else, but then the complete lyric arrives and his focus is again on the track. He records his part, throws out of bed every member and makes them record until they hate him, and when they're done, he tweaks some more until he's confident enough to show up at Hyun Suk's office. 

It goes on and on until there are enough tracks to fill an Album, and when that's confirmed, he attends meetings until the concept for MVs, wardrobe and comeback are ready. Then, it all starts and he meets with the others. They shoot MVs, record performances, attend tv programs, modeling shoots, interviews, concerts and fan meetings, after that, it's vacation. 

Youngbae hates to see Jiyong mistreating his health so much, Daesung throws worried glances each time he refuses to eat, Seunghyun mocks him for his awful looks and Soonho tries to be as supportive as he can by running for errands that may ease him. 

When everything is done, he shuts to the world for a week. He sleeps, eat and has fun, and when people start rumors about him dating some girl, he wonders how the fuck could he ever fit that in all of his busy life. He guesses people expect for him to date some model, because that's what famous people do. He writes love songs so he has to be seeking love, right? But at the end of the day, he has no time for that. He's like  Boxer, the horse in the Animal Farm. For him it's work work work. 

That surely takes a few points away from him being a role model, but it's not like he ever aspired to be one. 

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

He likes to sleep in. 

He wakes when he wakes, usually in the afternoon, if it's any sooner, he could probably stab the one that woke him up in the eye. He hates waking up before he has to, besides, it's not like he sleeps too much, it's just that going to bed at the hours he does, he's bound to wake up late. 

He's a nocturnal animal, his mind is cooperative from five in the afternoon to four in the morning, maybe five, before that, he's like a walking dead. 

He can feel the cogs at work for the easiest questions, his limbs heavy for the most normal tasks, but when it's five in the afternoon, he's ready and awake to do everything, which is not a big deal since Seoul is always awake. 

When he needs to be doing things in the morning, he usually either pulls an all nighter or he chugs liters of caffeine until his mind is putty and he's silly and funny. People usually like him the most in that state, saying that he's so delirious to be hilarious and that the puffiness given by his lack of sleep, makes him cuter. A lot of his best songs were written in that state, because in those moments he says whatever and manages to make it sound good. He's also more creative and more willing to open up and write about heartache. The night inspires deep thoughts and deep thoughts bring good stories and messages to deliver. 

To him, the lack of sleep is useful, while sleeping is precious but on his own accord. 

People usually look at him weirdly when he says that, because he's not supposed to think like so, or act like so, but he doesn't care. 

His life, his rules, so who cares? 

Role models are overrated anyway.  

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

Role models are nice people that give out advices, are modest and kind, he isn't any of that. 

He gives more critiques than advices, stating when something is crap or badly done, highlighting all the flows with harsh swift words. He doesn't sugar coat anything. If something is crap, it's crap, and if someone asks his opinion, they should be ready to hear the harshness of it. 

He takes a lot of compliments but hardly gives them out, if something isn't shitty or it's good, he's simply going to shut his mouth. They say silence is acceptance and that's how he goes by.

It's not like he doesn't thank people for their nice words towards him, because he's full of himself -which, in some cases, he is- but it's more like he doesn't believe in compliments. To him, his opinion on his work is what matters the most as he knows it's sincere and not given out of politeness, so yeah, he's neither modest or kind or generous with words, so even with that, he's not a role model.

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

So yeah, he isn't a role model. What he is, is a selfish workaholic who smokes, drinks and eats junk food. When he doesn't eat junk food, he doesn't eat at all, he either sleeps in or doesn't sleep at all, he's harsh on people when those don't meet his standards, he's mean when he's hurt, he doesn't apologize, he's stubborn, cranky and greedy. He bites his nails until what's left to bite are his cuticles, he's a Christian but never goes to church, barely says a pray, he's valued things more than actual people and he's been cold and narcissistic to others. 

He isn't a role model, and he thinks he'll never be. 

 

 

 

 

_But_.

 

 

 

There are days when he doesn't touch a fag, and he's tried quitting all together. He bought a vape and he uses it each time he feels pressured but he can't smoke. Nobody has ever asked him to, but when Seungri scrunches his nose, or when he talks about how he hates smoke, he gives his best not to. Like when they spend a day together, then he doesn't touch the stick, not even if Seunghyun asks him to have one, because he prefers the taste of Seungri on his mouth, lingering even after minutes from when their lips have parted, and when the taste fades, he'll just have another and another and another. It doesn't matter because unlike cigarettes, that taste, the smell of Seungri's cologne on his clothes, the feel of his skin beneath his fingers, is never enough and he'd never desire to get rid of it.

When he has to meet Seungri he usually vapes, sometimes, when it's not calculated, he brushes his teeth or eats a minty or two to refresh his breath, he changes his clothes and takes a shower just to make sure, because he doesn't want Seungri to feel uncomfortable from a smell that he too, finds nasty. 

He smiles like an idiot when Seungri starts blabbering about how he wants the two of them to be healthy and grow old together. He feels relaxed when his fingers play with the other's or with his ear or with his jeans, when his arms are filled with him and only him, when his nose picks up his scent and only his, and his mouth tastes of Seungri. 

He likes to wake up and kiss him for long, his lips trail from his neck to his chest to his navel, and when he feels the body beneath squirm in response, he nips at the soft flesh just below the belly button. Seungri squirms some more and he smiles, hovering back up and peppering kisses all over Seungri's face. He doesn't give a fuck of morning breath, nor the friction given by their stubble, he just kisses and goads in the tired groan that comes from Seungri at the press of their lower bodies. It always starts with small pecks of response, because Seungri still isn't able to take away his sleepiness, not until he's taken a shower, and it's always playful and silly foreplay, sometimes turning in full deep moans and weakening sex, but most times Seungri tackles Jiyong and presses two firm kisses against Jiyong's mouth, murmurs a "good morning" to which Jiyong replies with a kiss of his own, a couple of slaps on Seungri's bum, and a "I'll go make us some coffee" to which Seungri replies with a hum, a kiss, and then he's in the bathroom, taking his shower. 

He likes to go to sleep feeling the even breathing of the other against his chest, his back pushing slightly against Jiyong's chest and his lungs taking in Seungri's scents. He places a kiss on top of his head, hums a "good night" that isn't going to be heard, and before he knows it, he falls in deep slumber. The days he spends with the younger are fulfilling, to the point he barely feels the need to light a cigarette, but sometimes he does, a habit is a habit at the end of the day, and when Seungri notices his fidgeting, his eyes looking around in search for the good will to not go out and light a cig,  the younger runs his thumb over Jiyong's hand and the need is gone as fast as it came. 

There are times in which he walks and sees a pamphlet about quitting, or hears from a friend about how they did it, and Seungri's words fill his mind and the boy's dreams run wild in his head about the two of them growing old together, healthy, and each time he's tempted to quit. After all, it'd be an improvement to his singing, to his life, but then he remembers that people that quit need rebound habits and his one is usually elsewhere, so yeah, he's a bit bitter and time after time he finds himself lighting the cigarette and waiting for Seungri to run back to him. 

When they'll be stable, yeah-- when they'll be stable and not busy, he'll stop. Until then, there's still nicotine to keep his company when he's alone.

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

Jiyong doesn't quit drinking when Seungri is around. He actually drinks with him and enjoys each shot. Seungri says Jiyong is hilarious when drunk, although he bosses the other around - which he hates- and clings on him like a monkey to a tree. But he's cute, Seungri says. 

He says that Jiyong is the cutest when he acts like a diva, because he fans himself like an old lady and slumps on seats thinking he's in a photo-shoot. The cuteness doesn't stop there, though, at least to Seungri, because the man finds adorable how Jiyong snaps his fingers to call his attention, as well as how Jiyong suddenly shows his need to be at the center of the younger one's attention. Truthfully, it's nothing really different from how he acts when sober, it's just that Jiyong is so filter-less with alcohol in his veins, that he doesn't think twice before barking a _"fuck off"_ or _"shut the fuck up"_ at whoever gets too near or too clingy. Seungri should be concerned for how the people around them react or take the rudeness, but he's too endeared to care, and to Jiyong's success, has his entire attention on him.

So yeah, Jiyong doesn't quit drinking when Seungri's around, but that doesn't mean he does it often, because he doesn't. Booze is fun and makes everything more entertaining but when Seungri is there Jiyong doesn't feel like drinking. It helps the fact that they usually stay at his or Seungri's place, and although they both have a liquor cabinet or display, those bottles are mostly left untouched. 

For their time together, a beer would sound quite right, but they both don't like the taste of it, nor getting drunk with it, and for what they do -curling up on the sofa and watching tv together- soju isn't fitting as well. What is fitting is coke and chips, and that's what they have in their time alone. 

When Seungri isn't within reach, though, the club is the first place Jiyong hits. _"I need some fun"_ he'd say to his friends and they'd all meet up somewhere to drink and smoke away. 

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

When a camera is pointed at him, or when people are hanging from his lips, Jiyong is always careful at what he says. 

Words are taken out of context on a daily, celebrity's words more so than other's, so he's careful. He neither confirms nor denies rumors, he neither talks about release dated but he hints there will be one, he aims at being as misty as he can. Let people interpret his words like they want, so once they'll call him out on what he said, he can state it was a misunderstanding, or that he never actually stated something clear. It's easier like that. 

What isn't easy is holding back from what his heart and mind ache to say, like how much he wants to be left alone in his privacy, like how much he hates people who hate, like how much he's not someone too amazing. Most of the times he succeed at keeping in it all, but sometimes he's pushed at saying it out loud: 

_"People don't know how to mind their own business"_

_"It takes little to point a finger towards someone you don't know"_

_"I'm not a genius, only a hard worker"_

Those happened once but people have those words set in their mind, sometimes not as exact as he said them, but the sincerity behind it all had them inked in their memories, and it's ok. That's exactly what he aimed at. 

There are things, though, that will never be said out loud, because people don't want to hear those things. When he says he wants a daughter and wish to become a father, he has to omit how he fears he'll never get to be one, how stability is certainly not something he has yet, how he pictures his future being him sat under a porch, looking at the view, on a wooden love-sit with Seungri in his arms and a woolen blanket covering their shoulders,. 

Not everything needs to be said, not when Jiyong knows that there are some dreams that may never see the light of the day, not when he fears that saying those things out loud with take away that little of happiness he's found. So he shuts up and keeps it all in. 

There are things, though, that he'll never be able to keep for himself, like the _"I love you"_ s that flow out of his mouth when he's too wrapped up in the warmth Seungri provides, like the _"I hate you"_ s he spits out when they fight over trivial things, like the _"I'm sorry"_ s that soon follow. 

Seungri has always a way to let his mind un-whirl, his thoughts flow, and his words roll out like a breath. There's nothing he keeps from the younger, and a lot of times that leads to arguments, but if there's a thing they both know, is that there's nothing they don't know, and it's perfect like that, even if Jiyong has to apologize from time to time, even if he has to show his tears and bare his fears, it's ok, because Seungri never judges and never will.

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

His selfishness shows through the most when Seungri is involved. 

It starts with the younger going out with his friends, continues with him taking trips and starting businesses. 

“ _You don't have to, I can provide to the both of us just fine_ " but it's all an excuse for him to have Seungri with him more often, and Seungri knows, but Seungri still takes that plane, still wears his jacket and disappears, and Jiyong hates it.

He hates how not in control he is of the younger, hates how Seungri seeks independence when all Jiyong wants is to pamper and provide Seungri of everything he wants, but Jiyong needs it. 

Jiyong needs that rush of anger each time Seungri says " _no_ "; he needs that feel of longing when Seungri isn't near; he needs the fear to lose the younger for someone else, someone better, because that makes him want to be better, so Seungri will stop leaving him. 

Because Jiyong is selfish and does selfish things, and Seungri goes with it in his own way. When Jiyong selfishly demands Seungri to record over and over for hours so that Seungri can't go to that club with his friends, Seungri stays, does his best each time and when he's done, he'll go back to Jiyong's apartment, hold him close by the waist, kiss his lips and nuzzle against his neck. He'll undress him lovingly and even more so touch him with gentle fingers and whisper lovingly at his ear sweet words that'll make Jiyong feel full and loved and adored. He'll take him and make him feel complete and he'll love him until the early morning, with his body radiating warmth and lulling Jiyong to sleep, and then, then he'll leave. 

Jiyong hates it, but he needs it. 

He needs to live that loss in order to know that his selfishness brings more pain than pleasure, because the loss of Seungri when he wakes up, is a painful reminder that he was selfish again, but the fact that Seungri came home with him and made love to him, makes him also understand that he hasn't lost the younger, because Seungri also understands. He understands that Jiyong wants him to be his and his only, that Jiyong loves him passionately at that his selfishness and possessiveness are Jiyong's way to show his fear to lose him, so he won't hold a grudge when Jiyong forces him to stay in the recording studio, nor when he'll take his phone and turn it off when they're together, not even when he'll make demands just for the sake of knowing he's still in control. He won't hold it against Jiyong, and Jiyong is grateful for that.

Because too many people have left Jiyong for his ways, and too many people have bent at his selfishness, and that last one has gotten to his head, at some point, but with Seungri, his feet are dragged to the ground and his fears make him humble, and that's how they work. A machine of push and pull that has them going in prefect synchronization, hopefully, forever.

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

The eating situation it's weird sometimes.

Jiyong usually either don't eat or eats badly, and the nagging he receives from his friends and family is annoying beyond belief. He knows they're right, but at the same time, he feels like his almost thirty years of age should allow him do to what he wants. 

In the middle of his laziness about cooking, there's Seungri, though, because when Jiyong is hungry and Seungri's around, everything is more simple. If he doesn't feel like going out, Seungri makes a phone call and an hour later groceries are delivered to Jiyong's apartment building, and as soon as those get inside his apartment, Seungri takes out the ingredients and cooks whatever Jiyong loves. Although afterwards the kitchen is a mess, nothing really bothers him, as he eats happily and comfortably on his couch with Seungri at his side searching for something interesting to watch on TV as he waits for his food to cool down a bit. Jiyong likes it hot, as much as he likes his drinks cold, while Seungri likes everything to be either cool or warm, and funnily enough, Jiyong thinks that it all resembles their personalities, because food-wise, Jiyong likes things to be either really salty or really sweet, incredibly delicate or unreasonably heavy on the stomach, either spiced up until he has a burning tongue or soothing and refreshing as if he just drank water. Seungri is always somewhat in the middle. 

They like the same foods and the same drinks, but both have them differently, just like in life, but when it comes to them, it's like things are switched up and Jiyong looks for what is comforting and safe, like Seungri, while Seungri looks for what is adventurous and unpredictable, just like Jiyong. To Youngbae, they're sickeningly match-made in heaven. To Seunghyun, they're just sickening. Daesung just hopes that one day he'll be lucky enough to find someone that puts up with him the way Jiyong and Seungri put up with the other.

The periods in which Jiyong doesn't eat much, though, don't disappear, because Seungri isn't always there, and the others try their best to meet up at restaurants and such, both to have a chat and to make sure Jiyong eats something that isn't Mc Donald's or Lotteria food —because they all know, even if it should have been a secret between Jiyong and Soonho— and Jiyong is happy meeting up with them and have a chat, but he's also pissed off and bitter because there's always one that misses those gatherings.

Seungri never apologizes for not being there, but he also finds ways to let them forgive him, like crashing at Youngbae's house in hopes to also meet Hyorin —which he hasn't yet— and have an improvised dinner with take-out food. Youngbae has already forgiven him the moment he's seen him through the security camera that checks his front door, but he like to keep on pretending he's pissed off until Seungri takes out from the bag his favorite dessert, and only then, he officially forgives him.

Seunghyun is more of a tough bean to get forgiven from, because Seungri isn't allowed in his humble abode anymore —something about paintings and the fact that Seungri likes to touch— and Seunghyun also never gets out of his home unless it's for an art gallery or some rich friend coming to town, so Seungri does what he can by randomly feeding Seunghyun when they're both together. It's usually a cookie here or there, or maybe a slurp to his noodles when they're backstage, and chomp by chomp, Seunghyun forgives and a second later, Seungri is trapped in a headlock that has their hair-dresser pissed off for the rest of the evening.

Daesung doesn't actually get mad at Seungri. If there's someone that understand the youngest need to be out and about, it's Daesung, but to Seungri, it's not fair to not even do a thing about is absence, so instead of seeking forgiveness, he likes to meet up with him to show his gratitude. They usually eat at Daesung's home, they chat happily and merrily and when it gets late, Daesung sends him home personally, with kind words and a bit of teasing. No hard feelings and all. Seungri is really grateful for that. 

Jiyong loves to give Seungri a tough time. It starts with not answering phone calls, continues with messages that say " _what do you want_ " and morph to cold shoulders when he finally bends and let Seungri enter his apartment. By now, Seungri is more than used to the treatment, and if at first he found it frustrating, with time he found it endearing. So behind a well crafted image that doesn't show him awing at how cute Jiyong looks, all annoyed and pouty, shuffling around his apartment, doing his darn best to pretend Seungri isn't there, Seungri spends a couple of minutes observing him and thinking how stupidly in love one must be to find it all adorable. Once out of his revere, though, he follows Jiyong through his apartment, hugs him from behind, containing his laugher at Jiyong's tentatives to squirm out of his hold, and presses long loving pecks all over his neck and shoulder, until the older huffs and puffs and begrudgingly calms down. After that, it takes a little coaxing from Seungri's part but, thirty minutes later, they're nested in a secured area of a small but good restaurant and ordering they're food in an improvised date, and maybe, that's the reason why Jiyong likes to give Seungri a tough time, but Seungri is ok with it, because he really enjoys being the one pampering and spoiling Jiyong for once in a while.

 

**—+—**

 

 

If there's something nobody has a say about, it's work.

His sleeping schedule, his eating regime, anything that gets in the way with his work, it's Jiyong's decision and his only. That is a thing that former girlfriends never understood, Bigbang members hardly accept, Hyun Suk frowns upon. 

It's endearing to know so many people are worried about how he treats himself, but only as far as they don't interfere.

The funny thing is that Seungri is the same, working ethic-wise. Seungri doesn't sleep, doesn't eat much, practices until his body can't take it, flies from country to country to have meetings and hardly has some rest. The fun part comes from the fact that Jiyong is the first one to nag him for that.

“ _you're never in Seoul for more than two days! Can't you spend an hour without being organizing something for once?_ " 

and again, most probably it's selfishness talking, because he hates how little he gets to see him, but at the same time, it's worrying how cramped Seungri's schedule is, so Jiyong found a solution.

When Seungri is away, he texts something along the lines of parts to record or meetings to attend and when Seungri flies to Seoul, he has him trapped in the studio for as long as he can stretch it. Seungri isn't stupid nor oblivious and knows exactly the intent behind it all, but really, he doesn't actually mind at all. Even if Jiyong gets "emotional" and "intense" when he's been too long in the studio, Seungri whines only to who wants to listen for the sake of the humor behind it, but truthfully, he doesn't mind. 

Strangely and exceptionally, he gets ten times more relaxed when he has to stay in the studio for hours, watching Jiyong working and tweaking songs that may be trashed the next hour or so. He orders food and shuffles to the front to feed some to Jiyong, that distractedly munches it again and again until he doesn't really know why he's full. 

It goes on like usual, with Jiyong working and working and fixing his eyes on the screen, but there are times when Seungri gets up from the couch he had been waiting on, whines a long “ _hyuuuuung_ " and when said one snaps a " _what_ ", Seungri is all pouty and fidgety, tousled hair and crumpled clothes, and it takes a " _I want to sleep_ " for Jiyong to sigh out loud and click closed the various tabs on the computer before sending everyone home, including himself and Seungri. 

When they get there, tiredness takes over in an instant and they both sleep until the next afternoon, and when they arrive at the studio later, Jiyong is relaxed and Seungri is awake, and work flows easier somewhat. 

It's also always unsaid that when they finish a shooting or recording, Seungri follows Jiyong to his apartment. 

“ _It's convenient_ " they'd shrug, but it's more like being together, after hectic hours of work, it's like fresh rain on an insanely hot day of July. 

They undress, take a shower, plop on the sofa and fall asleep there, until either one of their manager calls to inform they'd be at Jiyong's in an hour, and so they'd get up, Seungri taking his shower, Jiyong preparing their breakfast, and when Seungri would get out, he'd kiss Jiyong as he'd meet him in the hallway taking his turn with the shower.

Those times, Jiyong thinks that he's lucky to have found a way to love and work at the same time, and that although it's been going on for years, he still doesn't have a moment in which he wished those were apart. Seungri is embedded in every single song he writes anyway, so there wouldn't be really a method to draw them apart.

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

Sleep... sleep is precious. 

To Jiyong, sleep is the reward after those long periods of unrelenting work. It is to many, true, but when he doesn't sleep for days, or has just a few hours to enjoy a mattress, and sleep can finally be embraced and prolonged for as much as Jiyong can, sleep becomes one of the most important things to him. 

All people surrounding Jiyong, know not to disturb him once he says " _I'm going to sleep_ " or " _finally done_ ". It's a mistake almost anyone has made at least once, since meeting Jiyong.

Like Soonho, when on his first month working as his manager, he got worried not hearing anything from the star for an entire day, he was sweating bullets after Yang Hyun Suk had asked him how were the progresses on Jiyong's first album, and he had panicked out of ignorance and called Jiyong for almost an hour, continuously, until a voice had answered the phone, telling him that Jiyong would call back as soon as he was awake and " _please hyung, stop calling or he'll murder me_ ".   
The next day he had seen Jiyong at the studio, followed by a really tired and grumpy Seungri, and it took almost two months for Soonho to understand the angry glare the maknae had thrown him passing by. Apparently if Jiyong gets disturbed while sleeping, he takes out his grumpy mood on Seungri, making the maknae miserable for the entire day.   
From that day on, Soonho is really careful not to wake Jiyong up, especially because he really felt chills up his spine when he met eyes with Seungri that day at the studio. 

Youngbae had a way of his own to understand how to approach the grumpy, sleepy leader. It had taken a while, especially since he was an early bird, and was raised in a house of early birds as well.   
When the two had started living together, the first month had been hell for Youngbae, like true hell. It wasn't enough that Jiyong was a monkey in his sleep, grabbing limbs and kicking shins while he was only trying to sleep, no. His best friend snored —go figure— and drooled, mostly on their shared pillow, and when Youngbae tried to detangle himself from the ivy-like hold on his limbs, the fucker dared to grumble and tell him to " _stop fucking moving_ " before he received an elbow in the ribs.   
After that month, when Hyunseung had set foot in the dorm, he had packed his things at lighting speed and pushed unceremoniously the new addition to their dorm, to Jiyong's and previously his, bedroom.  

Hyunseung would have done the same with Big Seunghyun, if he wasn't the hyung, that is, and hadn't already been set in the single bedroom. Sleeping with Jiyong had been a serious life-changing event for him.

When Seungri came to their dorm, Youngbae had felt pity towards the youngers and had proposed them to share in his bedroom and let Jiyong sleep alone, but it had been too cramped in there, especially after Daesung had come into play, and so one was to sacrifice, and said one was Seungri.

Everyone had expected for Seungri to be lamenting about the situation the very day after. After all, Seungri liked to whine, and the sleeping matter was a justifiable whine-approved situation, yet, that never happened. 

After ten years, the two still slept together, and beside the shifty glares he would send to the culprits of Jiyong's sleep being interrupted, Seungri still has to whine about it. After all, although things have changed between the two across the years, to Seungri, Jiyong needs to be cared after, and seeing his leader soundly sleeping, is somewhat the most satisfying thing to him. 

To Seungri, the moments shared with Jiyong, the special memories that run through his mind when thinking about them, are of those nights when Jiyong would sit on the bed, against the wall, and just write on his notebook while running his free hand across Seungri's hair, once in a while talking about the things that stressed him out of his mind, or what he had seen or experienced that had affected him, because Seungri, Jiyong found out, is a good listener, and Jiyong still feels at ease to tell Seungri just everything.   
No one was there at night, when Seungri laid on their shared bed and witnessed on a daily Jiyong entering their bedroom and letting out a deep and long tired sigh, before wearing his pajama and shuffle under the sheets, how he would ask Seungri to tell him about his day, and how the younger would talk and talk until Jiyong was fast asleep. No one was there as well to witness how, looking at his hyung sleeping, with his words dying in his mouth at the first snore coming from him, Seungri ever so slowly fell in love.   
No one knew how Seungri's heart beat increased each time Jiyong hugged him close, how shivers ran up his spine when his breath ghosted his skin.   
No one was there to witness his first heartbreak when Jiyong brought for the first time his girlfriend to their bedroom, and no one was there to see how Seungri simply couldn't sleep anymore on that bed without thinking what they may have done.   
It was also without witnesses the night Jiyong first kissed him. He had looked at Seungri for an intense moment, thoughtfully, before quietly asking Seungri if he ever felt something towards boys, watching the stunned reaction from the younger, how he fidgets admitting that " _yeah, I- I... just once_ " and how the leader had tilted his head, biting his lower lip, before asking " _was it me_?" and reading the silence for exactly what it meant, before leaning forward and kissing Seungri right there and then, starting something that still lives on.

So sleep, and their bedroom, are special to Jiyong. When Youngbae unknowingly had set a start to a story that still has no end, in their bedroom, Jiyong felt for the first time his heart stutter at the sight of another boy, his hands hitching to touch another boy's skin, and his mind settle at another boy's words. Sleep, with Seungri, became the shield for any bad dream, it became the safety he didn't know he needed, the warmth he was oblivious of seeking, and when Seungri's voice lulled him to sleep, day by day, the last words his brain said, before darkness engulfed him, where uncensored " _I love you_ "s.

Jiyong begun worshipping sleep and the moment he'd walk into their bedroom, the sight that would greet him, the words he longed to listen, all thanks to Seungri, all because of Seungri.

 

 

** —+— **

 

 

When it comes to advices, Jiyong is really unwilling to give them out.

Advices are easily taken wrongly or not listened at, most of the times, those could even not work, but if someone seeks for them in Jiyong, he does tell what he believes works.

People have made it through his advices, but other times, those were futile and fell in the dumpster as if he never said a thing. When he said " _go left_ " people would choose right, and at that moment Jiyong would just think _"why the fuck did you even bother me, if you're not going to listen?_ " so he stopped giving out advices.

He mostly keeps his mouth shut and his opinion aside. The politic " _do what you want_ " has become his primal statement, but now, when someone asks, instead of advices he gives out critiques. Those, seem to work.

It seems strange how people tend to forget nicely put words instead of the harshest truths. You could treat softly a person for years and ruin a friendship for a mean comment, and Jiyong has learnt to use that to make people improve.

 

An example of that is Seungri. 

 

When Seungri had his solo debut, Jiyong had really tried to be nice and softly comment what he thought would look better but, stubborn Seungri decided he was old enough to make his own choices and go with them, and it worked, kind of.   
VVIP was a good album and the songs chosen as singles were good but, be it for the fact that he was competing against Jiyong and Top, being that, as he said later, he had received bad advertisement from Top, publicly calling him out for being rude, the sales weren't top notch, at first.  
Jiyong had watched his first two performance, the first one with Seungri in the room and he had spent half the time looking back and forth between the TV and Seungri with his mouth opening and closing, wanting to give out his critiques and give some more advices, but deciding not to; the second time, though, those details were so painfully screaming at him to be pointed out, he _had_ _to_ tell Seungri, but he knew Seungri wouldn't take his kind advices, so he did the next thing. He threw him an avalanche of critiques all cramped up in a text. Ok, he had felt bad the second after so he had called everyone he knew to make sure Seungri was pampered and well treated so he wouldn't take it that bad, but he still felt guilty after he sent that message. It was only a month later he found out that Seungri had strongly appreciated it all, and so Jiyong, from then on, had taken it as the way to go when approaching the younger.  

When they were recording, he would keep on criticizing Seungri's way of singing, because apparently, nice words didn't work well with the maknae, but he also always made sure to let him take brakes, where, in the while, Jiyong would either let him rest on the sofa or would play with him and joke around to let him know he had nothing against Seungri, nor he was pissed off in general. 

When they were on stage, they would all make fun of Seungri and that would always result in better performances from the younger, like when during their MADE Tour, he had told Seungri that if he kept on joking around and scream, if he dared to have a scratchy voice, he'd cut off all his parts and give them to the others. It may have seemed harsh, but Jiyong would have never done that, but Seungri didn't need to know, in fact, doing like so, from then on Seungri always gave his best once stepping on stage. 

In some occasions, though, advices work better than critiques, like the first times they got intimate. He was gentle as he told him to keep his tongue forth and cover his teeth when he still was learning how to give a good blow job; or when he told him the right pace and how to meet his thrusts; how to roll his hips and grind down; or how to go faster and thrust all the way in when their roles were inverted; or how to yank his cock as if it was Seungri's own. Seungri learnt faster when he praised him, telling him how good he was and how great he felt around him. 

 

It isn't just about sex, though, when Jiyong praises Seungri. Actually, most of the times he spoils Seungri rotten and aws at him and his cuteness. When Seungri isn't around, he gushes about him to anyone who lends a ear to listen, and he defends him as if it was his life mission.

It's the division between work and relationship, perhaps the reason why they work so greatly together.  It got a while for Seungri to learn that Jiyong wasn't being hot and cold with him, but that he simply did what he thought best for Seungri, and in a lot of ways, Seungri is grateful for that.

Sure, it's not always pleasing to hear critiques about his work and his efforts, but those do work on him and propel him to work harder. Also, the fact that after Jiyong will spoil him even more, it's a wonderful reason to push his limits until he reaches Jiyong's standards.

 

 

**—+—**

 

 

So in a lot of ways, Jiyong doesn't change much. He still is possessive, he still smokes like a chimney, drinks like it's the last night on earth, parties around and have general fun. He still is selfish, still doesn't really know how to handle sleep, eating and work and he still has problems at being gentle with his words, but all in all, Jiyong never really feels like changing at all.

Seungri fits with him the way he fits with Seungri. He doesn't push Jiyong into changing in someone else, doesn't try to make him fit in an identity that isn't his, and yeah, it might sound cheesy and corny, but to Jiyong that's what love's all about. 

Seungri doesn't complain for his scruff, doesn't push him into doing anything he doesn't want and understand him for what he is, faults and perks and all that jazz.

 

 

 

So yeah, Jiyong might not be a role model, might never become one, but when he looks at what he has, who he's with and thinks about what he does, all he sees are accomplishments and a life that he wouldn't trade for anything, and if he thinks that if he were to change even one thing about himself, any of that could be missed, he truthfully has to say that he really, _really_ , doesn't even fucking want to be a goddamn role model. At all.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading so far 
> 
> Hope you liked it


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